


Beautiful Smile

by Flantastic



Category: James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Heavy Angst, M/M, Murder-Suicide, Permanent Injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-05
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-11-28 04:29:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11410233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flantastic/pseuds/Flantastic
Summary: James tells Q his devastating news.





	Beautiful Smile

**Author's Note:**

> For the 2017 007 Fest. Angst Prompt Table 004 “Major Character Death”
> 
> Okay. I feel like I should owe everyone an apology for this one in advance and make a little confession. I hate death fics. I seriously fucking hate death fics and I avoid them at all cost. However, that being said, a few weeks ago I found myself getting incredibly stressed out (I’ve got a lot going on IRL right now) and this little gem suddenly popped into my head. One night, as a cathartic exercise I decided to write it. It worked. I cried my fucking eyes out and felt about 500% better the next morning.
> 
> As there is a “Major Character Death” prompt on the angst table I’ve decided to post it but I wouldn’t recommend that anyone actually read it. After all, I don’t like death fic....
> 
> (I feel like there should be a “not to be read by anyone” tag for this.)

 

 

James came in through the front door to the sound of Q crying. 

Dumping his wet umbrella he stripped off his overcoat and threw it over the bannister before rushing through to the day room.  Q was sitting at his desk but instead of working on his drawings he was sobbing.  His face was a picture of misery as he sat rocking back and forth, twisting the material of his t-shirt in his distress. 

“Q. _Q._   Oh darling, I’m here now.  I’m here now.”

Q didn’t seem to notice that James was there until he stroked his shoulder and turned his face towards him with a gentle touch to his cheek.  As soon as their eyes met Q smiled, his tears apparently forgotten, and he immediately reached out to James.  He allowed Q to pull him into a hug, burying his face into James’s stomach and making a small noise of contentment.

Q’s nurse, a young woman named Emily, came into the room from the kitchen.

“Commander Bond!  Sorry, I didn’t hear you come in.”

“How long has he been like this?”

“About ten minutes.  He was fine until he realised that you’d gone out.  I just can’t seem to get him to settle when he’s like that.”

James nodded.  It was a familiar story, one he’d heard a thousand times before from dozens of nurses.  He stroked Q’s hair.

“You’re a nightmare, aren’t you?” He said affectionately.  “Why can’t you be happy when I’m not here with you, eh?  You’ve got all your books and your drawings…”  He gazed across the little desk.  All the drawings were similar.  Where once there would be schematics of breathtakingly beautiful and ingenious design, now there were bright swirls of abstract colour.  There was a new one on the top of the pile.  Q must have finished it and wanted to show it to James only to realise he wasn’t there.  He carefully extricated himself from Q’s embrace and dropped into a crouch as he picked it up.  “This is a nice one.  Did you draw this for me?”

Q laughed and pointed at the bright scribble, turning to hug James again which made James laugh.  He was always so bright and happy these days, whenever he was with James that was.  It was a small consolation for the devastating injuries he’d sustained at the hands of his would-be assassin. 

“I was about to make him some lunch.  Would you like me to make you some too Sir?”

James looked up at Emily who was still standing there.

“No, that’s fine thank you.”  He glanced up at the clock, it was half-past-twelve.  “In fact, I’d rather like to do it myself today, if you don’t mind.  Why don’t you take the rest of the day off?”

Emily looked surprised.

“If you like Sir but I don’t mind making it before I go.”

“No, that’s fine.”  He gave Q one last kiss and stood up.  The dull ache in his lower back flared into pain as he straightened but he gave no outward sign of it.  When Q noticed James was hurting it upset him so James had learned to hide it well.  Stroking Q’s hair and encouraging him to go back to his drawing he quickly left the room to go to their bedroom to get changed out of his suit and into a pair of sweats and a t-shirt.  By the time he got back downstairs Emily had her coat on.

“Are you sure you’ll be alright with him?”

“Of course.”  James said with a smile.  “He’s my husband.”

She smiled back at him but he saw the doubt in her eyes as she turned to leave.  Maybe James’s smile had been too forced?  Once James had heard the front door close he went to the safe in the corner of the room.  Opening it, he rummaged through the piles of legal papers before finding what he was after.  Not bothering to close it again he went to the kitchen.  By the time he’d prepared a cup of juice for Q and a glass of scotch for himself his husband had wandered into the room to find him.  He laughed as he saw James and his face broke out into a sunny smile as he limped over to him for another cuddle.

“You’re very clingy today sweetheart.  You didn’t like me going out without you, did you?”  He kissed Q’s forehead, not expecting an answer.  There hadn’t been an answer for the last seven years.  James held him close and couldn’t help but think about the past.  The attack.  The six month long coma.  The joy at seeing him wake followed closely by the realisation that his brain injuries had been too devastating and that most of what made Q _Q_ was gone.  James still loved him though, how could he not?  He still carried the beautiful face and smile of the man he’d loved and married.  He squeezed him and pushed him away gently so he could pick up their drinks.  “Come on baby.  Let’s have a look at the garden.”

The conservatory on the back of the house was surrounded by a small garden and James loved it.  There was a sofa that they curled up on together to watch the birds on the bird table that James had built.  James wasn’t sure that Q knew what he was seeing but he liked to cuddle into James, touching his face as James talked to him about their numerous feathered visitors. 

James settled himself down and Q immediately laid down beside him, sprawling over him to try to kiss his face.  James indulged him for a couple of minutes before turning and picking up Q’s drink from the low table where he’d left it.

“Here you go sweetheart.  Drink your drink.”  Q took the cup and James helped him to guide the spout to his mouth.  He watched as he drank most of the contents in one long draught before abruptly pushing it away.  James took it off him and kissed the top of his head.  Q rested his head on James’s shoulder.  He smiled and James glanced out of the window to see what had caught his eye. There was a small group of starlings on the bird table.  James turned his attention back to Q, running his fingers through his hair to cover the small bald patch at his temple.  It was the only visible reminder of the bullet that had failed to take his life but had succeeded in taking almost everything else from him.

“I went to see my doctor today.” James said quietly as Q closed his eyes.  “My test results were in.  I don’t know why I bothered going, I knew what he was going to say.”

A year more tops if he took the chemo option.  Barely three months if he didn’t.

“It’s come back.  It’s in my liver and my lungs.  It’s inoperable.”

The rain started to fall faster, drumming on the glass roof above them.

“I swore to look after you in sickness and in health and I meant every word.  Even after… even the way you are now, I always intended to look after you until the end.  I just didn’t realise how near the end was.”

He looked down at Q again and took up his hand that had been lying on James’s chest.

“People who knew us… worked with us… they never understood why I gave everything up to care for you but I had to.  I made a vow and I made that vow because I loved you so damn much, even though I mourned you every day for seven long years.  I missed you baby.  Can I say that now?  Every fucking day I missed you.  I missed your wit and your intelligence and the way we used to make each other laugh and I missed the way we used to make love and the way we were made for each other…”

Tears spilled over as James put Q’s lifeless hand down so he could brush a finger over his lips.  They still held a sweet smile but were cooling already without the breath that had once warmed them.  He reached over to the little table, picked his glass of scotch and downed it.

“You were so clever, my little genius.”  James whispered.  “So compassionate.  You were so horrified by what Silva’s cyanide capsule had done to him… you didn’t want that for me or for any agent… so you made it better, didn’t you?  Painless… quick… tasteless…  I often wondered why it was that you brought a sample of it home.  I’ll never know… I’m glad you did though… I couldn’t leave you behind…  My darling Thomas… I love- ”

There was a gust of wind and the starlings flew away.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> In certain folk laws, groups of starlings are regarded as psychopomps. These are creatures whose responsibility is to escort newly deceased souls from this life to the afterlife.


End file.
